David Coleman, the Dating Doctor,visited the Brownsville and Edinburg campuses on Wednesday and delivered the presentation “Making Relationships Matter.”
He first began giving presentations on dating 3,500 shows ago during a conference. At that time, about 80 people were in the audience and soon after, about half of them approached Coleman asking if he’d present at their respective campuses for revenue.
“It was kind of decided for me,” Coleman said. “I hit on something, I was decent on delivering it [and] I had some unique ideas and look what it became.”UTRGV junior Teresa Lopez attended the presentation because she was drawn by curiosity as to what Coleman had to advise.
“I was curious more than anything to see what it was going to be about,” the rehabilitation services major said. “I was just reading through the pamphlet and it sounds really interesting.”
Coleman opened with what he called the negative self-fulfilling prophecy. Whether students or people alike are on campus, at church or at the grocery store, they tend to catch their eye on someone. However, negative thoughts creep into the individual’s mind convincing the self that the person is not good enough for their potential lover. Coleman advised the audience to gain confidence.
“You will not find the right person until you become the right person,” he said. “If you are not your own greatest walking ambassador … how can you expect anyone else to want to date you?”
Coleman mentioned several red flags during dating that include mental, physical and emotional abuse, an unhealthy lifestyle, a questionable history and a quick temper. If an individual runs into someone with the aforementioned qualities, it is advised to turn the other way.
He later covered breakups and when they tend to occur. The majority happen right after Thanksgiving, primarily due to long-distance relationships between college students, after Valentine’s Day, after Spring Break and before summer break.
“We are stupid enough as a society to allow a Hallmark holiday to dictate whether our relationships are going well or not,” Coleman said, regarding Valentine’s Day.
He spoke about bad breakups and an acronym called D.A.T.E., which stands for distance, activity, time and exit. When going through a bad breakup, it’s advised to keep one’s distance, keep busy, allow time and have closure on one’s own terms. Coleman created a ratio for the amount of time someone should expect before finally moving on from a breakup. For every month someone dates another, the individual should wait about two weeks. And for every year, two months should be allowed.
The dating doctor revealed that the person who controls the relationship is the person who is least invested. The person who is least invested is the person who loves, cares and tries the least between the two. However, the one who has to work twice as hard to keep the other interested has a lot more to lose.
“If your significant other honestly believes in their heart that you will walk away from them and never look back if they mistreat you or disrespect you, they won’t do it,” Coleman said. “But if the worse they treat you, the harder you work to keep them in your life, they will do it for as long as they know you.”
Coleman closed with questions from the audience.
UTRGV freshman Rose-Emmeline Alce attended with her partner, and found the presentation to be interesting.
“I learned a lot of stuff that I didn’t know before,” the mass communication major said. “I learned the seven characteristics you should look for in a partner because that really did open my eyes. It showed me that [my partner] fits all seven.”
Around 30 students attended the show and the majority of those participated during his session. Coleman adjusted his presentation to get to know the audience more so than he would have in a theater of 100.
“I love having shows, but I have to tell you, I have enjoyed both shows today,” Coleman said. “I really like the students down here. They’re sweet, they’re humble, they came for the right reasons. They had things they wanted to learn [and] they asked great questions before, during and after my show. They’re humble, they’re polite [and] I really enjoyed the students
on both campuses.”