Rethink internalized fatphobia

Many of the times I think about what and where I want to eat, I wonder how the food I enjoy will affect my weight gain.

This was rarely a question I thought of until after I turned 20. I noticed many pieces of my clothing were tight-fitting, and I did not think this would be the beginning of insecurities surrounding my body.

Around the same time I became aware of this, I heard comments like, “You thought you would be skinny forever?” This led to negative, subconscious thoughts about my physical appearance. 

A while after, it prompted me to reflect on this inner critic and practice body neutrality.

During this time, I realized how I had deep-internalized fatphobia, which led to learning how to unlearn what our thin-obsessed Western society had taught me.

I further reflected on the topic of fatphobia when I read about the recent feud between rappers and former friends Ice Spice and Cleotrapa. Cleotrapa, who was invited last minute to be an opening act on Spice’s recent tour, alleged Spice’s team said Cleo was not “part of the budget” for a chicken salad.

The claim was one of several, and Spice took to X Spaces to respond. When addressing the chicken salad incident, Spice said the two actually went to an Italian restaurant and called Cleo “a f—king vacuum” to emphasize the way she ate while they were there.

In complete honesty, I was not too surprised when Spice said this, as much of her discography contains shallow lyrics, and much of her brand focuses on the marketable body standard for women of color.

I am not sure if Spice took a jab at Cleo’s weight with her remark, but Cleo took it as that, and so did I. I find it hypocritical of Spice since she recently lost weight, and her comment stresses the normalization of fatphobia.

Out of curiosity, I researched the origins of the link between fatphobia and anti-Black racism–a subject I knew limited information about. I stumbled upon information from the book “Fearing the Black Body: The Racial Origins of Fatphobia” by Sabrina Strings, a professor and North Hall Chair of Black Studies at the University of California, Santa Barbara. In an NPR interview, where Strings spoke about her discoveries, she highlights how during the Atlantic Slave Trade, “eating and body size became two of the characteristics that were being used” to differentiate between who was and was not free, as biracial identities began to emerge.

Reading this, and looking at modern-day fatphobia, with terms such as “big back” trending on social media, makes me perceive the current, unrealistic thin body standards placed on women in a completely different way.

So, from this, I definitely encourage people to rethink the stigma around fatness and reflect on the consequences of fatphobia. Fat is not equivalent to inferior and unhealthy, as no one knows the whole story of a person’s medical, environmental and health history.

As for myself, I continue to separate my own sense of worth from my weight. I am a writer, musician, sister, daughter and other identities–not a Eurocentric body standard.