If I were to ask you if you were comfortable with death, what would you say? This sounds like a self-explanatory question, even a pretty rude one at that.
However, at what point, if there is one, is it acceptable to be comfortable with it? In this column, there is a picture of my dog, Shelby.
She is a 17ish-old dog my family rescued at the pound and adopted as a puppy when I was 1.
I remember ever since we got her, she has always been a chronic sneezer. She will sneeze multiple times in one go and to my family, it seems like a form of language from her.
Ever since then, she has been living with my family and I have basically grown up with her as the years went on.
When I was a kid, I had always come to a sudden and unfortunate realization that as the days, weeks, months and years went by as we were growing up, at some point her years would start to catch up to her.
I had always dreaded that realization and knew that at some point in the future I would be in the position where it would start to come true, and it has sadly caught up to me.
This current feeling of what I knew would eventually happen has been a collection of unwanted but needed emotions. Time for Shelby is probably moving as slow for her as it is for me.
One day, it’ll come and I genuinely don’t know what to expect out of it considering I have been preparing for it in my mind for so many years, especially recently.
I have prepared similarly with other people in my life I have lost. Yet, the sadness hits me every time. Although, somehow, I wonder why I’m expecting something different this time.
Death to me is the most muddled event to go through. It comes for everyone. As much as death gives purpose to living, it takes away. Even thinking about that is arguably confusing.
In a way, Shelby answers my confusion to that phrase. As she gives me so much life and impacts the way I live deeply, I know when she is gone, a part of me will also leave.
This amount of reflection may sound weird to others, as a dog is just another pet to some. The idea for pets to just come and go is already cemented in people, but to me Shelby felt more like a family member than just a pet.
I’m not sure if I believe in a dog’s heaven, but I should start. She deserves that. I love you, Sneezie Shelby.
